One screwed up love story
by CraigaferTucker
Summary: It all starts when Craig gets high with Stan. They decide to annoy someone and that someone is Cartman. The weirdest thing ends up happening between Craig and Cartman.   Please give this a chance. I suck at summaries.
1. Chapter 1

You know that moment when you fall in love with the person you've hated since you were 9? Yeah. Well. That's me. Maybe if I wasn't addicted to getting high all the time this wouldn't have happened. Fuck. My. Life.

It all started when I was getting high with Stan. We were dating at that time, nothing too serious. Never said I love you. It was basically just sex, drugs, and alcohol. No time for lovey-dovey shit. We were both fine with that.

"Ya know, dude," Stan started. "We should...heh...we should like...go bother someone."

"...Who." I muttered, taking a drag of the rolled up weed in between my fingers.

"Who's fun to annoy?" He took a long drag of his as well.

"Fatass." I chuckled.

Stan nodded, grinning stupidly. The weed was definitely starting to get to him. It usually takes me a while to get totally loopy and carefree. I took the dope with me as we left for Cartman's place.

Driving while high is probably the funnest thing I've ever experienced. Especially when Stan's the one doing it. He swirved and looped and did every driving trick known to man. (and several known to dolphins. Heh..) Funny thing is, we never got stopped. Fucking Barbrady's the most small-minded policeman ever to exist. For that, I approve.

We eventually arrived at Cartman's place, Stan honking the horn repeatedly until the door opened, revealing the overweight teen.

"The fuck is wrong with you two?" Cartman shouted. I stuck my middle finger up at him through the open window of the car and grinned. Stan just honked a few more times, laughing like some idiot. Course, he was an idiot anyway. Especially stoned.

Cartman stormed over to my side of the car, surprisingly not causing an earthquake. I shoved the tip of the rolled up weed in between my lips, inhaling it as he was doing so.

"Are you assholes high? _Again?_"

Stan giggled as his torso fell over and on my lap. "Maaayyybeee." He giggled again. I snorted and rolled my eyes.

"Jesus. When was the last time I saw you jackasses with a clear head?" He pointed a finger at me. "Especially you, Craig. I don't think I've ever seen you _not_ high or drunk within the last year."

I shot a glare at him. "Oh come oooon, Mom. Not like you care." I flipped him off again.

"You flip me off one more time, and I'll tear that fuckin' finger right off that bony hand of yours."

"Mmm, Whatever." I stuck my tongue out at him. Stan giggled again. I looked down at him. "Dude, Shut up." He propped himself up and licked my chin. I felt my face turn red, so I put the weed down in the ash tray of the car and craned my neck down, touching my tongue to his. Soon enough, we were making out.

"You guys make me sick." Cartman interjected. Both me and Stan looked up at him. I smirked. "Wanna join in on the fuuun?"

He scowled. "Tch. Like I would want to join a makeout session with you two faggots."

I opened the car door and squirmed out from under Stan, standing up before the brunette. "Fine. Then it'll be just us then~." I tackled Cartman to the ground before he could respond, crushing my lips to his.


	2. Chapter 2

"MMPH!" The large boy struggled underneath me. I pinned his wrists to the grass, deepening the kiss. He eventually gave up, and let me kiss him. Stan was peeking through the car window, smiling hugely like the dork he is.

To make things more intimate, I took my left hand and groped Cartman's groin, rubbing my thumb over it. He tried pushing me off him, but after I started moving my thumb around, he stopped and started to moan.

He fucking _moaned._ The fat bastard's actually enjoying this. I licked his lips, then when I felt a boner in my left hand I stopped. Everything. I stood up and smirked as he sat up on the grass and frowned deeply.

"I fucking hate you, Tucker." Cartman sneered. I rolled my eyes.

"That's not what your body says."

He flipped me off. Then I flipped him off back with both hands like a fuckin' boss. "I can do that too." I muttered, doing so. Cartman stood up, his boner obvious. His face was beet red as he headed towards the door to get inside. I shot Stan a look and mouthed "leave" before following Cartman. He turned around at the door, noticing my presence.

"I hope you know that your dumbass of a boyfriend is leaving you here." Cartman mumbled as Stan started to swirve away. I smirked, shaking my head while he turned the doorknob.

Once we got through the door, I wrapped my arms around his large waist, my fingers just overlapping each other. He let out a long exasperated sigh. "Get the fuck off me, asshole. I don't ever remember inviting your scrawny ass in."

I ignored him, bringing myself closer to his body and kissed the back of his thick neck. I could feel him turning redder, if even possible. I brought my lips to his left ear, kissing beneath it before whispering, "I love your pudginess."

Cartman whispered back, "What is wrong with you..." He sounded slightly out of breath.

"Hn...Many things, actually..." I took his hand and led him over to the couch a few feet away, pushing him down forcefully. His expression was shocked. Was it because I was stronger than I look? Don't know. Don't care.

The next thing I did, Cartman certainly did not expect. He was probably expecting me to give him a hand job or something from my previous actions...and from his, he wouldn't have minded.

...I tackled and hugged him. "Mngh. You're so fucking squiiishy." I said into his chest, voice coming out a bit muffled from the pressure. "Watashi no tedībeate kudasai?"

"...What?" He asked, clearly not knowing japanese. I lifted my head from his chest.

"Watashi no tedībeate kudasai?" He stared at me like I was crazy. I let out an overly dramatic sigh. "Be my teddy bear?" He still stared at me. "Y U NO LOVE ME ERIIC~?" I rolled off him on purpose, and plopped on the floor.

"No words can describe you right now." The boy muttered and stood up, heading towards the stairs. I squeaked loudly. It wasn't exactly crying, but I'm sure he got the overreacted sad thing I was trying to get to him. Cartman groaned loudly, and went up the stairs and probably into his room. I just aimlessly laid there on the floor until the weed decided to shut my body down for the night.


End file.
